Good morning, grief: Tears Edition
This post is dedicated to those who have experienced a great loss. “I’m sorry” just doesn’t cut it.
Just four weeks ago, my family experienced the tragic, unexpected loss of my brother in law. Though, I can’t seem to piece the time together between today and four weeks ago. I genuinely don’t know how time has continued on, and, so quickly. Especially knowing that time must be standing still for my sister, who has lost her best friend and husband. I have to be hitting the bottom of the reserve tank of my tears soon, right? I HAVE to. I didn’t know it was possible to produce this many tears. It’s impressive, in a sense. But, mostly sad. And even more exhausting.
I’ve always known that I am someone who cries a lot. And very easily. I laugh at the fact and think, “ Oh, that’s just a part of who Sarah is. She’s a crier.” Now I REALLY know it to be true after experiencing a personal family loss. But, tears of grief are new-er to me. I don’t have much experience with these tears. And, I don’t love that my family is being forced to get to know them. It was a very uninvited “meet and greet” with these tears of grief, but, apparently a very necessary visitor in our lives now, though, unwelcome. These tears seem to have a different weight to them. I wonder if they do physically, too? Hmm. That would be interesting to know. If you happen to know that fact, please inform me! I’m a crier who ALSO loves interesting facts. ***Pushes nerdy glasses up her nose.
Sometime, in the last two-ish years, I saw a photo that went viral on facebook. It was a collage of what different kinds of tears appear to look like under a microscope. Tears of laughter. Tears from when you’re chopping up an onion. Tears of change. Tears of grief. Little did I know, that when I saw that photo, years ago, that it would end up being something that spoke to my grief journey today. I’m going to give you a few facts about tears. I will merely be hitting the tip of the iceberg. Just bare with me. And, I hope, with all of the hope that I currently contain, in my being, in this very moment, that these facts could, and will, speak the very same volumes that they did to me when I discovered them.
There are three kinds of tears…
Basal - The basic tears that keep our eyes healthy, well-hydrated and even aid in the health of our immune system.
Reflex - Tears brought on by force by a kind of a foreign irritant. Examples: chopping an onion, dust, perfume, pepper spray, etc.
Psychic - Tears that form from strong emotions, both positive and negative. Examples: anger, humor, sadness or…grief.
Ok. Now that you know about the three kinds of tears, here is where things get interesting. To me, at least. And by “interesting,” what I REALLY mean is…the following few statements and facts are what “blew my mind,” for a lack of a better expression. More importantly, the following facts are what made me take a deep, audible sigh of relief and understand, on a whole new level, that God truly is “near to the brokenhearted.” (Psalm 34:18) Much more than I realized. And, that His nearness is actually so, so near, that it is built into our very design. Even in our tears. Yup. Our tears.
But, get this…
When we are experiencing the “psychic” tears, those formed from really strong emotions, the tears contain a special protein-based hormone that includes a neurotransmitter - leucine enkephalin. And do you know what leucine enkephalin is? (“The Microscopic Structures of Dried Human Tears.” Smithsonian, Nov. 19, 2013)
IT IS IS A NATURAL PAIN KILLER WHEN THE BODY IS UNDER STRESS!
My jaw was on the floor after I read that fact about this apparent hormone that I couldn’t have cared less about, or pronounce, just moments before. (Let’s be real, I still can’t pronounce it.) After I picked my jaw up…I knew I was about to cry. Then, immediately following my eyes welling up, just before the first drop fell, I thought, “Ooo! Here come my psychic tears! I wonder what they look like?” Just me? Probably not. You’ll be thinking about all of these new facts that you’ve learned when you are crying from now on! You’re welcome in advance! And, I’m starting to piece together why sometimes it just feels so “good” to cry.
SIDE NOTE: I can’t deny that I’ve entertained the idea of, seriously, purchasing a microscope of my own to do a personal photo project of my tears, knowing that I commonly produce a plethora of them.
Photos courtesy of Rose-Lyynn Fisher: “The Topography Of Tears.” (http://rose-lynnfisher.com/index.html).
God didn’t HAVE to put tiny, pain killing hormones into our tear drops, you know?
He didn’t. But He did. He DID.
And I think that this fact says so much about His tender, loving character.
I’m about to reveal how totally ridiculous I am, here, in my next thought. Prepare yourselves. BUT, I feel, as someone who, one of my top love languages is physical touch, that, now, after knowing these facts, that when I cry…I can’t help but imagine that my eyes are receiving a series of miniature hugs from God, in each tear drop that falls. Feel free to laugh out loud if you haven’t already done so.
Permission granted. I have no shame in my ridiculousness.
Do these tiny, pain-killing hormones in our tears make the process, pain and gut-wrenching, raw moments of grief any easier? No. Absolutely not. I don’t think anything could make this process “easier.” Grief isn’t pretty. It most definitely isn’t easy. It’s messy. It’s uncomfortable. Very. And, honestly, it’s seemingly unpredictable.
But, do you know what those tiny, pain-killing hormones DO make me feel? Seen. Seen by God Himself. They make me feel welcomed in His presence. In His arms. And in His thoughts. Before I was even an idea to my parents, the Creator, of our universe, knew that this week, specifically, today and next year…that my family would need those pain-killing hormones. We’ll take a bulk order of them, actually! Please and thank you! He knew that He would want to be so, so near to us, and bring us comfort, in our greatest moments of pain, that He chose to bring relief…even in our tear drops. Even if we push Him away. Even if we are angry at Him. At life. And at the seemingly unfairness that life brings. He. Is. Still. There. We can’t escape His nearness.
In each tear drop. He is there.
Whether we choose to acknowledge Him or not.
He says, “let me ease that pain a bit, please.”
So…to my friends, family and strangers alike - I say this to you. I urge you, even:
Don’t run from God in your pain.
Run to Him. To His arms.
Let. Him. Into. Your. Process.
You don’t have to clean yourself up first.
He isn’t afraid of your anger, sorrow, grief or frustration.
He isn’t disappointed in your “bad days.”
Know that He is there with you.
And WANTS to be there with you.
Even when other humans don’t know how to be with you.
He isn’t uncomfortable.
He is as near as your tear drops are to your eyes.
Let out your tears. Let them flow.
Relief is on its way, one drop at a time.