I'm surprised at the emotional effort it has been taking me to get through some of these quarantine days.

And, if I'm being very berry honest with you, that's not easy for me to admit. I like to try my best to appear strong, capable, put together, accomplished and stable. (Just a small list. I’m aware. LOL) But, I often forget that when I don't share my weaknesses with my community that I'm losing a GREAT opportunity for connection and, ultimately, vulnerability unto growth. Together. So, here begins a moment to connect, if you'd like.

I don't have the same work load, responsibilities and tasks as I did pre-quarantine. Like...not even close. But I've found myself having moments, more than I’m proud of, and waves of disappointment because I'm not emotionally capable of more in this time. It's an unnecessary pressure that I've completely made up and have put on my own shoulders. No one else put it there.

Any other enneagram threes out there that can relate with me? (Raise a hand if so!)

I don't think any of us are supposed to "know" how to respond to this moment of history that we are living through. I'm starting to come to terms with being okay with that. That doesn't mean I have to give in to bad habits, lethargy and complacency. No, no, not at all. But, I'm becoming okay that a slow day on the couch is...okay. Okay that…if the only thing that I get "done" for the day is a fifteen minute workout...that's okay (even if it took me an entire day’s length to convince myself to do it). Okay that I made cookies three times in the very same week. Okay that I felt sadness.

I'll admit that, yesterday, I entertained a few fearful thoughts for a LITTLE longer than I'm proud of...

"What if I won't be able to keep up with the pace of the world if we get back to 'normal' in a month?" 

That really scared me. 

"What if everyone else comes SPRINTING out of the gates, when the world is opened, and I'm just walking?"

That really scared me. 

"What if I don't want to match their pace? OR my old pace?"

That one REALLY scared me.

HAULT. I had to stop listening to these false stories. I cannot predict the future. Fear cannot and will not run my life. That's a choice that I'm making. Fear will not determine my schedule, decisions and the way I am viewing the world right now. 

Faith and trust in the power of the almighty God will be the story I'm choosing to listen to. I'm choosing to, actively, believe and trust that God is greater, much greater, than our government, conspiracy theories, the news (whether it's honest or not) and COVID-19. 

I'm putting my hope, faith and trust in Jesus because He won't let me down. 

He knows what is best for me. 

He is full of empathy.

He is unchanging, unlike our current world.

***Takes a deep breath. Then another. (Because I need it!)

I am praying that this truth would be something that you take hold of for yourself today, too. 

It's for you. And you. And you. And most definitely for YOU.

And, hey, if "all" that you did today was just BE...that's okay. More than ok.

-Sarah Gehman, photographer turned blogger during quarantine